THE ONLY ABNORMALITY is the incapacity to love ~ ANAIS NIN

I weighd 203.5 so .. i ate minimal all day.. fruit.. chicken.. like 2 crackers withtuna.. oh then a grilld chickn sandwich with like tomato.. i would say prolly about 20 points.. and.. so tommarow i hope i am at least 202 or i will cry.

Current Mood: moody

Strep fuckn throat. Yup. It sucks alot. Atleast the antibiotics are working, but i have lovely diareha from it. Well it is weightloss..i can be thank full for. I go back to work tomarow. Julia says she realy misses me..YAY. I am sl glad i can swallow now.. I swear strep throat is the worse.. I weigh 202.5 and I am starting full throttle with my diet again tommarow. i am actuallydrinking some coke right now.. eeeeeeee i know bad choice..but i am doing the comfort thing.. i will be blogging again tommarow about my food journal hopefully. I will try to keep foucusing on myself scinceit is realy the only thing I know i have controll over. My actions.. my thoughts.. my health.. ( most of the time my health) but i totaly think the strep was brought on by my energy last week.. no doubt..so i must not put my heart so deep in to every thing.. i geuss i need to stay arachnid like and recluse.. and just once and a bit say something smart to spread a bit of love but not go as far as i did with way cool. it hurts to much ..betrayal is bitter..and i seriously still cant swallow that.

Current Mood: blah

I am trying to get obsessive about the diet and let all the other things turn in to diet as well. Like. when I get upset about possibly not working at way cool... Stop thinking and DRINK WATER! When I rehearse the events of saturday.. stop and DRINK WATER. When I fret about not knowing where I stand.. with my job.. DRINK WATER. yea..
so i have been peeing alot..
I am not weighing myself much.. actually i havent got on the scale scince friday night.. and that is prolly good.. I need to realy buckle down on my diet.. I am the only one who can help myself.. and i think investing all my thoughts and thinking in to my diet instead of the drama..that makes me want to eat a frickn gallon of icecream.. then I should be ok. I am going swimming today i plan on not taking the dogs..so i can get some laps in.. miranda and devin will be there too.. oh dang i lft stuff in my moms washer.. i think.oh well.. i am gonna drink water brb
I workd on some painting yesterday night. I did it on some tile. I think it is pretty dope.. I dont know how to post pics on LJ yet..so .. basicly right now i am waiting for time to pass so i can call the salon again.. to see if any one is there so i can go get my favorite cup and possibly my check.. Scince I don't have a key any more..
drink water...................
i am reminding myself how the last time i let my ocd work for me.. when ryan and i seperated the first time.. and i went to live at mee mas.aand i drank water when i was flusterd.. I lost 20lbs in a month. so it does work.. then it ended up being 50 lbs in a summer.. that is fantastic.. I have a message in to a friend on myspace.. DEADLY NIGHT SHADE.. and they seem to be an herbalist..and i think i may have some more closer to my woes..when/if i get messaged back with some formula.. or ideas.. I have much to burn..but what order and where shouldmy thoughts be..cause they turn black so quick.. I don't want to hate.. and it seems to consume me..
drink water............................................................
LATER
Steph

Current Mood: anxious

WAS an emotional roller coaster. I hated it. I don't want to go in to it but basicly I used food in the evening, for comfort. So i am not counting it. now it is sunday..
I ate tuna and crackers thismorning.. prolly like 10 points worth. Then I ate a wrap 10 points again and I drank some tea with shugar, 4 points. I geuss i am gonna have to do salad for dinner or something. I am totaly depressd and sad today. I don't know where I stand at work. It sucks. I don't even know if there will be a phone call of affirmation. I don't feel like calling to pester either.. it sucks. I geuss I will find out on wednesday. It is hard to enjoy my time off when I keep replaying the shittty shit that happend on saturday morning.. I wish I was extreamly exausted so i couldnt think.. and then the time would pass..but I geuss i should make the most out of this doubt and pain.. what am i supposed to be learning? If worse comes to worse there is life after way cool? just like there was life after Taglio? What ever. I am so blowing everyhting out of proportion cause i am so shaken from the events that my perception is totaly off now.. and I keep hearing some one tell me that i am not always right. I realy need to let that go.. because i know that source needs to listn to their own words.. I... am gonna go look for some sleepy time..

Current Mood: blah

Well, take a geuss.. I'll wait.














Well that is right. You fart smeller! I did get a phone call from Vinny at 2:50 in the morning. Good Geuss. I am also concernd because i weigh 205 at that hour. Josh says it is because of the pool I may of absorbed water in the pool. I also think it is cause my legs ach..cause I got some muscles tighter..perhaps.. I won't get down on myself.. After a good 20 of trying to get my heart out of my throat and the hot flashes of irritation to go away.. and visions of vinny bringing a gun to work tommarow..
I decided to call him back to answer his logical question.. (JUST NOT AN APPROPRIATE HOUR) Luckaly I got his VOICEMAIL. I was calm and collected and Josh layd next to me as I told Vinnys answering service that I am so glad it is the voicemail, it makes things easier and I don't get interupted. I think most of the week we don't work the same days as eachother.. so he could prolly stay to finish out his week. As long as the days he does work he stays out of my face and doesnt try to get in my face to make things better.
Some thing to that effect. But calm and no cussing is how it went.. and Josh said I handled it quite well. I realy realy have an urge to go eat a bowl of cereal after all this... and I understand it is mostly for comfort.. I am done with this blog.

Current Mood: and tierd
Current Music: snl rerun.. come with me/pdiddy/jpage

That title sums it up. I left work early today.. I had no clients on my books but.. what ever.. I realy don't want to replay the fuckd up shit and annoyance i was subject too today.. so all i have to say is.. FUCK VINNY.

Next we have a great bunch of food i ate today that i would like to discuss with myself
I had a 6inch turkey on whole wheat spinach pickles tomatos oil/vinagar... I ate the rest of the tuna and crackers from yesterday .. later I ate a peach... then shit hit the fan..i left work... I went to my moms..and swam like a fish and floated like a corpse.. and there i ate a tvdinner lean cuisine or some shit..that was only 4 points..so then i ate a chicken cutlet.. with some ranch on it..i think that was like8 points and i had like 4 ouces of orange juice .. and then..4 hot tomalie candies..and 1 low fat granola bar..and i am done i swear..i am not eating any more tonight.. i started my period today..and all the turmoil at work .. made me need comfort in some shugar..andnot just the work epasode.. shit is flying every where i say..drama in the bur... in the fynx.. ton. and some handcuffs and then a bit of a momma with some axiety then a lover whos old chum passd awway a bit ago..and to just find it out today.. his luck is sore. like my uterus. I say i did 31 points today..and not much over if any at all..

Current Mood: cranky

I weigh 203!!!!!!!!!yay. I am not shur what i am eating today.. 2 be continued.

Current Mood: content

The salon had a meeting today. We ate at Zoes kitchen. I used about 7points there and ate about 16 today at work so lets just say 25 points to be safe is my geuss for today. hurray. ( edited next morining) I did eat a mango last night and the rest of joshs salad that had like a table spoon of potato salad..and a bit of pita bread so i am gonna say 30 points for the day..

Current Mood: calm

I didn't dream about being high.. last night or the night before. I also didnot get up in the middle of the night to stuff my face. This diet plan is working.
I packd 18.5 points for lunch/snack today. tuna/crackers/soycrisps/bananna.I am running late.

Current Mood: anxious

Albacore tuna enough to last for lunch and breakfeast+mayo 9.5pnts
1peice of whole wheat bread 1pnt
12 triscuts 4pnts
dinner
3tblspoons(2pnts) of shredded cheese on a whole wheat tortilla(3pnts)1/4 avacado (2pnts) chickengrilld with mushrooms( 3pnts)
10pnts

24.5 totalpoints for the day
ending at 7:03pm.

Current Mood: calm
Current Music: Joshua playing mario cart

Horoscope for: Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Yesterday | TODAY | Tomorrow

Stephanie,
Mercury moves through your 6th House of Work and Health for the next couple of weeks. You may sense that you need additional focus to follow through in the daily routines of your job. You could also find yourself overly concerned with your diet, exercise and lifestyle as you seek to minimize anxiety or depression. Even if you decide to escape for a while today, remember that it's the little things that will add up to have the desired positive impact on your health.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Totaly Ironic I pland on starting my diet today any how.
cause I shur way 207. I am not ready to start any crazy excersize plan. I know that is the only time i will see any real results though.. But for now. I am trying to make lil commitments to myself. My ankle is acting like it wants to break, and my heart feels like it has abunch of styrafoam around it. It is gross.
I plan on trying to blog my food journal every day..
I got out the weight watchers books. I started reviewing my recent fav. foods. and just being aware of how many points have been going in my body daily..is motovating. I am supposed to have between 24-31 points a day.Until I get to under 200 lbs.then I will be in Josh's Catagory. I am trying to get a bit psycotic about it.. cause it seems that being addicted to new good habits..is the only way I lost all that weight last time. So I think I am gonna carry these weight watchers books around like my bible. I also think I need to stay away from Way hot. They have awsome cakes and brownies out every day.. and I totaly want them all the time. I need to pack my lunch from now on.. so I can pre calculate what I am ingesting. I think today I will have albacore and crackers for breakfast and lunch. I don't know exactly the points yet.. but i plan on documenting it tonight.

Current Location: Living room
Current Mood: anxious
Current Music: some kids show( miranda is watching tv)

OK. IT didn't work. I am not a paid account. That is why pictures will not show I geuss. Unless any one knows any thing diffrent. SO I will post the link to the tutorial. http://www.extra-muffins.com/hair/viewtopic.php?p=22167#22167

Current Location: OUR LIVING ROOM
Current Mood: anxious
Current Music: none

I decided to finish getting my live journal together! Most of my invintory is going to be shown on my MYSPACE page.. the link is.. http://www.myspace.com/dezert_pyrot_wigz However I am going to attempt to post my tutorials and such here.. I hope for people in the Fake hair community to bring themselves to my attention please.

Current Location: Our LIVING ROOM
Current Mood: content
Current Music: none